another day trip again

today i bring J2 and her partner to the museum of american art and fortuitously discover the martin luther king library in the next street. besides used book stores, my favorite hangout has to be a well-stocked library. this is my third trip downtown in three weeks. wow.

wordcraft

come, heart, where hill is heaped upon hill

- yeats, fr. into the twilight (1899)

夕   陽     山      外    山

on the hill behind the hill the sun sets

- 李叔同 li shutong, fr. the farewell song (1910's)

bewitching words however you look at them. the imagery is at once as extravagantly lyrical as the irishman gets (go read his entire poem) and as beautifully spare as the rest of the chinese monk's verse.

monochrome

i've got it. the trouble is that the carotenoids have a monopoly on the pigments in our backyard. what we need is a dash of thiocyanins, so that we can look more like this. also, a lakeside location wouldn't hurt.

the wisdom of repugnance

revulsion is not an argument... in crucial cases, however, repugnance is the emotional expression of deep wisdom, beyond reason’s power fully to articulate it... shallow are the souls that have forgotten how to shudder. 
-  leon kass (2000, writing about human cloning)

there is a place, then, for a tiny garret tucked under the eaves of my house within which reposes the forgotten spinning wheel with its inconvenient needle. it is good that voices that are popular acceptable and established may sometimes come up against an awkward unremembered qualm. i hope then that i will shudder, and question.

droolworthy

i spend my morning enjoying the view around my friend's home. now J1 wants us to move there too.

new word

dirigisme  [diːriːˈʒiːzəm] n. (government, politics & diplomacy) control by the state of economic and social matters [fr. french]. dirigiste adj.

i don't know about you, but this strikes me as a rather efficient and elegant word for all the stuff back east. the odd thing is that i cannot recall ever coming across this word in all my years living in two dirigiste societies. i have to move to a bastion of free-market capitalism to learn it. hey people, we ought to say, we own the whole concept.

at the pet shop

a basket of colorful tennis balls sits at checkout. donate a tennis ball to a homeless dog today! urges the sign.

i envision a troop of earnest volunteers swarming onto street corners and into back alleys to disburse donated balls to homeless bored wandering canines. 

would you like to donate a ball to a homeless dog, the cashier asks with an utterly straight face. not today, thanks.

wow

this is one gorgeous fall day with the sun and the wind out in equal measure so that you just want to take a deep deep breath and do a pirouette or two.

想起難捨 lord jesus, when i think of thee

no voice can tell no song describe the fullness of your grace 

no sin can bind no guilt remind, that your love cannot erase

this is an old hymn of unknown provenance and age translated from another language. the childlike words hit me unawares. it is good for the soul to remember the simple argument of the cross which confounds my most jaded sophistication. wash me, and i shall be whiter than snow. - ps 51:7  at the heart of it all my need is so modest and God's provision is so fitting.

thou art the lily of the valley, the bright and morning star

where's george?

J2 finds this marked bill.

in this case it appears that george has traveled 18 miles eastward in 22 days, making that 0.76 miles a day. a tad tardy, wouldn't you say?

mmmmmm oishi

*
tonight
i dine on
the salmon sashimi

@ the miyagi

itssogood
i
want
some more

hot nite

everyone is very excited. J1 and C have a gig at the epicure cafe tonight. HOM has a date on broadway. J2 and i shall have a twosome dinner somewhere nice in revenge.

renaissance

the thing about having some of the best museums in the nation at our doorstep, with free admission to boot, means that of course we hardly ever go. BUT today, for the second time in two weeks, i drive myself and J1 downtown for a dose of enlightenment*. this could become habitual. twenty minute drive kerbside parking comfortable company photo opportunities intellectual augmentation and that nice veggie wrap for lunch.

in time to come i shall look back at this cultural interlude with much wistfulness and wonder.

*andrea palladio exhibition, national building museum

bon appetit

my lunch, made for me by J2. 

this bears reiteration. my daughter is the apparent possessor of lots of bewilderingly impressive skills that did not originate from snuggling at her baffled mother's lap. 

affliction infliction

J2's galloping nose has taken over our household. it is blusteringly aggressive extravagantly productive and decidedly indefatigable.

i begin to empathize with parents who march up to pediatricians and demand antibiotics for little johnny's viral urti. it gives them something more participatory to do, i reckon. here johnny, they can urge. take this cefalexin / imipenem / vancomycin. i got it just for you!

i guess i could walk the dog, i tell J2. if you really don't feel up to it. just for you!

trappings

today, at the office where J1 interns as the resident peon, he finally lays claim to his own cubicle and telephone extension. this is very exciting. he now has a spot to officially leave his bag at and a chair to casually sling his jacket over. and, when people call the main line, they can request to speak with him!

i remember my first white coat. we walked taller wearing them. also my first pager. in those pre-cellphone days pagers were the ultimate yuppie accessories. we hooked those bulky little boxes over parts of our apparel and felt splendidly functional.

a pity it is, perhaps, that we forget novelty so quickly.

major !@#$%!

the sequence goes like this:

credit card expires in two years

bank unilaterally decides to upgrade us

now! to a new metal!

old card is frozen

awaiting our grateful acknowledgment

of the new card

but we don't know this!

so

credit card is declined

grrrrrr

prosperity gap

HOM has gone off to attend a course held at a converted seminary built at the turn of the last century. in my time the courses were held in poorly ventilated meeting rooms tucked deep in utilitarian monstrosities. i hear the food is superb too. we were lucky to get coffee and hot water dispensers.

i say there is a conspiracy.

elections 101

read this. briefly, it reports that one california gubernatorial candidate has spent $139 million for her campaign, dwarfing her rival's outlay 10 to 1, which calculation would therefore peg at $13 or 14 million. these are mind bogglingly vulgar numbers. 

what i mean is, we all know politics is a dirty cat fight. but the cat fights are getting more tacky. it's gilded fur that flies these days. 

rodin

the thing about being a much loved pet is that the humans are always trying to personify you. what do you think he's thinking, J1 asks me, when Dog lies down like this, which is what he does for the larger part of the day?

in truth, i cannot imagine that concrete thoughts pass with any regularity through his mind.

tea time

here is HOM's latest fascination, and therefore what we get to consume in a continuous supply as he experiments with different proportions and times. la biscotti mandorla ad nauseum ad astra. unfortunately i must say the texture is still rather doughy.

awe

what is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?

-ps 8:4

when i see this, with its effortless ineffable glory, i wonder how anyone can dare to question if the artist exists.

project gutenberg

this wins the award for my discovery of the year.

very briefly, it makes freely available online the text of as many public domain books as volunteers care to upload and proofread. and at 33,000 items and growing, i am pretty much set for a long time to come, as long as i stick to public domain books and i can overlook the irksome plain text format on a laptop screen. it is one little step towards my emancipation from the corporeal library.

the first two documents i read are anne of the island and thoreau's essay on civil disobedience. chick lit and discourse. a girl can be happy.

on the duty of civil disobedience - thoreau (1849)

he hath shewed thee, o man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?  - micah 6:8

i came into this world, not chiefly to make this a good place... but to live in it, be it good or bad. a man has not everything to do, but something; and because he cannot do everything, it is not necessary that he should be doing something wrong... what i have to do is to see, at any rate, that i do not lend myself to the wrong which i condemn.  - thoreau

these are harrowing passages to read. micah and thoreau both preach not rebellion or revolution so much as an unwavering fealty to a right conscience. not what is expedient or popular or non-confrontational or culturally sanctioned but that which is worthy. for this we answer not to a human authority who judges our actions but to an inner voice and a higher presence who sees our heart, and for this we may pay with loss of advantage honor goods and fellowship. a wise man thinks twice before doing as bid, but a wise man it is who does as bid.

another day trip

J1 and i visit the art gallery. from today's exertions i realize two things about myself:

1. i like french painters, and

2. i love french food, which i knew before, actually.

i also learn how to correctly parallel park from the young pup.

yacht basin at trouville-deauville (boudin)

international nite

i attend a concert at the high school.

what i discover is this. it can be rather painful to endure a rookie attempting to ad lib a script and aiming for stand-up comedy. somebody needs to tell the sweet young things that good humor is hard work.

wet and cold

things to be grateful for today:

the car

my enormous raincoat

the rain, which washes away Dog's latest bathroom contribution to the deck

the anne books - l m montgomery (1908-1939)

here's the thing. i am mostly a pragmatic utilitarian who doesn't exactly hold with starry eyed flights of fancy and squirms at open shows of romantic affection.

and yet, every few years, i revisit that sparklingly irrepressibly irresistible girl who grew up in green gables, primarily to read again about her and gilbert blythe. perhaps this is because anne's stories bring back the best of my girlhood and young womanhood, and looking back time tarries longer and colors are brighter.

anne shirley belongs to my youth but continues to inspire me to be a more charitable person every time i drop in on her.

halloween ghosties

my neighbor has about six football trophy-like structures arranged in a circle on his front yard all covered loosely by diaphanous white material. after much thought i conclude that they represent a ring of hand-holding ghosts.

my neighbor is indian, of the east asian variety rather than the native american. which makes his yard decoration all the more amazing. when you consider the pantheon of benign and malignant spirits he already has access to, you have to wonder why he would adopt yet another posse of them.

looking back

here, i realize, are my professional interests:

the summative assessment,

medical ethics,

maternal & child health,

incising abscesses, and

writing.

what this means is, if i follow my passions, it would be tough getting a job. and yet i have been given to do all that, and more, and without premeditation besides. which goes to show, and i mean this seriously, that God's plans fit me better than my own, which was to go to india to learn tropical medicine. i still shudder to recall this.

squaaawk

i pop by my favorite thrift store looking for a cheap read. this is an error.

the parking lot is full of aggressively circling vehicles in a dreadful game of musical spaces. the store itself mills with tribal reunions of every skin color. the lines to pay make you forget there is economic turmoil in the world. AND EVERYBODY'S CART IS OVERFLOWING. i look at my single book and return it to the shelf. some pleasures in life need to be deferred.

song offering

today, at church, J2 somehow migrates from manning the sound mixer to playing the keyboard during the worship session.

i'm not altogether sure how this comes about. i remember paying for swiftly aborted music lessons back in the mists of time that were never in any case substantiated by any recognizable practice. i also remember having to purchase several recorders in elementary school years none of which produced any prepossessing sound. i know that she purports to strum on her uke from time to time. all of the above, together with a welcoming all inclusive policy with regards to participation in church, apparently has brought out the inner keyboardist in J2.

this bewilders and humbles me and makes me glad and grateful.

then and now

J1 goes on a road trip with his friend to a destination 300 miles away. almost three decades ago, my longest non-family trip involved a brief ferry ride to an off-shore island with some classmates.

is it a cultural exposure thing? or a generational thing? or perhaps temperamental? my children seem to have loftier hopes more momentous plans and vaster dreams than i ever did. 

i expend much energy wondering how my firstborn will be ready to take his place. it reassures me somewhat to reflect that in some ways he is more ready than i was at his age. and look where i am today.

i ♥ my auto mechanic

my old jalopy has new headlights, courtesy of HOM. the two feeble half pools of anesthetized illumination are now take-charge hearty and bright. i think, if he also upgrades my rear lights, we can have a glo-in-the-dark rattler.

fantasy & reality

HOM and i take a spin around our village. we have a yen for tea.

a yen, really, for ye olde tyme tea shoppe that serves a pot of your favorite brew with a decadent slice on the side. or a kopi tiam for an earthily fragrant cuppa to go with some kaya toast.

where we end up is starbucks for flat coffee in a paper cup. c'est la vie.

sudden light

some things that reach to me across the fields of yesterday and very briefly push aside the mists of memory:

peter's theme from peter and the wolf

the last rose of summer

sejarah melayu & hikayat abdullah

chilled m&m's

dvorak's humoresque
photographs of good old KE vii hall

indian summer

today is a gorgeous day that Somebody tucks away and brings out after a shivery fall week to delight us hapless mortals.

modern carpet bag

here is my mary poppins bag.

it fits my wallet sunglasses lists stationery cellphone and pda. it fits my book and my magazine. it will hold a spare shirt or two. probably a small blanket.

it is a special gift from out of the blue. i love it.

too much info

the ham is labelled gluten free.
the peanut butter is labelled cholesterol free.

certainly plants are animal free, and vice versa. is this arrogant advertisement or misguided disclosure? perhaps karyotype reports can read, 46XX, Y chromosome free.

yummy

J2 and i are drooling over our neighbor's new car.

flash of insight

the biggest problem with having kids is that they are constantly trying to grow up.

Dog's life 2

here's a happy camper. he's taken to putting himself to bed at all hours these days, which on reflection is rather a nice thing to do.

crabby feelings

just back from the hairdresser. the shampoo lady calls me hunny and attempts plenty of conversation, which makes me flinch inwardly. i am manifestly not her honey. i do not wish to unload my life story onto her nor do i wish to hear her life story. i just want a chic haircut.

reflecting now on funerals. why do people like to describe the memorial service as the final journey? technically there is just one journey and it has ended. does euphemising death mitigate the grief? or does it just assuage our discomfort at dealing with pain and loss?

homecoming

he's back!

sisyphus 2

the young pup wants me to count to the music. count? does he not know that i practically invented the irregularly irregular rhythm? when i count i can't feel the music. if you want me to feel i get  d y  s r  h t h  m i c.

makeover 101

an old woman dies, just shy of her ninetieth birthday. i look at the memorial photographs and am struck by how beautiful she looks. not a beauty in her youth, i remember. in fact, rather painfully plain. but the lines of the years sit well on her face and lend it a frail dignity and winsomeness that artifice could not.

seems to me that wrinkles bags infirmities and vulnerabilities can sometimes make an unexpectedly lovely package. it is bitterness insolence and hopelessness we need to guard against, who swiftly ravage any youthful comeliness.

psalm 16:6

the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

except that as the boundary lines fall and even when they are in place i am oftentimes still obliviously petitioning. today i lift up my eyes a little from my litany of concerns and realize that many specific* prayers have been specifically answered when i wasn't looking. i actually feel like swelling up in gratitude.

this will be a good post to look back on i guess when i am nose deep in my usual morass of worries and anxieties again.

*not to put too fine a point to it, but specifically regarding the way J1 has grown and the way J2 has grown.

sisyphus

J1 has taken it in his head to make a jazz pianist out of his old ma. all i say is, he's got an uphill task ahead.

the mother tongue - bill bryson (1990)

we should make this required reading some time in english or history class. it gives you a wide enough view that you hesitate to sniff at the unfamiliar as americanism, or slang, or simply illicit, and it tells you tales that inspire you to strive for greater precision.

it even tells me that to call a chinese a turtle is an insult of the first order. i am about to dismiss this as presumptuous imperial ignorance when J2 informs me that such a taunt exists.

if nothing else, it explains the mystery of color vs colour. it also explains why you can flip through a book and tell if the author is brit or american. because really, british english and american english are actually separate dialects.

Dog's life

HOM, taken with the point-&-shoot. because.

here is Dog in his new bed. what i don't get is, how does he know this is his when everything else we bring into the house is not and is therefore not for snuggling into and he gets that without any hassle?

evolution

my iPod touch battery has taken to draining alarmingly quickly. HOM asks me to look up warranty information. i google the problem instead and stumble upon a community of disgruntled iPod touch owners in the same situation hashing over possible solutions.

these days googling a topic follows naturally upon any query. what's the traffic like? what is the secret recipe for roast pork with crackling? what is correct dress for a funeral? short cuts to html programming? why do my brakes squeal? why does the garage door not remain shut? how do i prune a rose bush? caulk a bathroom?

we know a convenience has arrived when the proper noun becomes generic becomes a verb. as when Google becomes google becomes to google.