touching the throne

though it seems that your prayers have been in vain/ though your faith the world would destroy/ though your heart should ache 'til it breaks in two/ they that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

- william gaither

somebody needs to include this in the primer for parenting so that hapless parents know they do not weep alone.

easter thoughts

just let me live my life/ let it be pleasing Lord to thee/ and if i gain any praise/ let it go to calvary

-  andrae crouch

what things were gain to me, these i have counted loss

... that i may know him and the power of his resurrection, 

and the fellowship of his sufferings

- phil 3:7-10
it is my most tremendous privilege.

in the garden

and he walks with me and he talks with me/ and he tells me i am his friend/ and the joy we share as we tarry there/ none other has ever known.  - c. austin miles

one of those embarrassingly mushy overly simplistic old hymns, and it only it takes you long years to move past the saccharine sweetness of the words to get to the truth of their proclamation.

he gives my song

come to the water stand by my side

i know you are thirsty you won't be denied

i heard ev'ry tear drop when in darkness you cried

and i strove to remind you that for those tears i died.
- marsha j. and russ stevens

sometimes a stray memory wanders by and blindsides me.

Immanuel

beyond the fun and laughter and sense of obligation and duty and the tyranny of the default, there is one reason only why i can sing: i sing because i'm free.

near the cross a trembling soul, love and mercy found me - there the bright and morning star shed its beams around me. the birth of the baby. the death of the man. wretched sinner. redeemed, atoned for, justified, sanctified. thank God.

yes

in the midst of the glitter and tinsel and festive frenzies 

today i am reminded that christmas leads to the eventual question: 

was i there when they crucified my Lord?

in gratitude

and can it be that i should gain/ an interest in the Savior's blood/ died he for me who caused his pain/ for me, who him to death pursued?

no condemnation now i dread/ Jesus, and all in him, is mine/ alive in him, my living head/ and clothed in righteousness divine.

amazing love! how can it be that thou my God shouldst die for me?

- charles wesley

one holy passion

hast thou not bidst me love thee, God and king?

all, all thine own, soul heart and strength and mind.

i see thy cross; there teach my heart to cling:

o let me seek thee and o let me find!

-george croly

so many distractions.

so much uncertain anxiety.

such grasping desires.

such short memory.

he stoops to my weakness.

but i forget often.

saturday

so do not fear, for i am with you; do not be dismayed, for i am your God.  

- isaiah 41:10

priceless gift Christ makes (me) worthy of... sins atoned, and heaven gained.

- greg nelson & phil mchugh

tuesday

when i survey the wondrous cross/ on which the prince of glory died/ my richest gain i count but loss/ and pour contempt on all my pride.  -  isaac watts

live life to the max, people say. seek what excites you. seize the day. i have had blessing upon undeserved blessing, i think. i would go where my path leads, but i don't feel hungry. my eyes have seen, from a distance, the glory of the cross, and my perspective has changed.

abundance

he has much to tell us. he and J2 have lots to talk about. we hear the sound of new songs. the fourth seat is taken. supper is glad and protracted. Dog is happy. J1's home for a visit.

thanks for roses by the wayside/ thanks for thorns their stems contain

thanks for pray'rs that thou hast answered/ thanks for what thou dost deny

- august l storm/ carl e backstrom

atonement

calvary's love can heal the spirit life has crushed and cast aside, and redeem 'til heaven's promise fills with joy once empty eyes.  - greg nelson/phill mchugh

before the invasion of the bunnies and the peeps and the chocolate eggs, i want to remember that once, a man paid an unbearable price to redeem my impossible debt.

because of that i can sing.

my list

here's a list of hymns that have stood the test of american time over the past 250 years. it gets me thinking. for the record, here are the top ten in my hymnody:

• amazing grace
• how great thou art
• great is thy faithfulness
• when i survey the wondrous cross
• precious lord, hold my hand
• jesus, keep me near the cross
• he looked beyond my fault
• thanks to God!
• calvary's love
• my tribute

sunset

when we've been there ten thousand years/ bright shining as the sun/ we've no less days to sing God's praise/ than when we first begun.

our family's song offering in church today. this is our last sunday together before HOM goes off on business tomorrow and J1 enlists next month. we have so much to be ineffably grateful about, which may be why there is an indescribable heaviness in our hearts. if it were not so sweet i suppose it would not be so bitter.

amazing grace

the baubles come off the tree. when i muster sufficient energy the tree comes off too. time flees. lives change. but this one thing i know. through many dangers toils and snares we have already come; 'tis grace hath brought us safe thus far, and grace will lead us home.

i dwell in the shelter of the Almighty.

magnificat

near the cross, a trembling soul, love and mercy found me;

Christ... regarded my helpless estate and... shed his own blood for my soul;

... blessings all mine, with ten thousand besides!

the hope and wonder of the birth of Christ make sense to my crippled trembling soul only when i look at the ugliness and rejection of his death, and realize that he shed his blood because i am helpless to yield mine. when i remember this, i want to burst out and say, my soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.

adeste fideles

a strange thing happens when i sing this with the umpteenth radio replay today. the words briefly pass through my mind on their way out and cause tears to spring to my eyes. how does a word become an act? how does a fact become a value? how do i begin to adore this babe who is born the king of angels? 

tetany

i get neck cramp and finger panic practicing the closing hymn for tomorrow. there's nothing like the protracted final line in rejoice the lord is king to afflict an accompanist who gets by mainly with a bit of improvisation on nicely spaced out chords. do re mi fa soh la ti do re do ti doooo, with a different chord per note. it hurts.

in thanksgiving

thanks for prayers that thou hast answered

thanks for what thou dost deny

thanks for tears by now forgotten

thanks for peace within my soul

thanks for pain, and thanks for pleasure

thanks to God for my redeemer!

- august ludwig storm (adap.)

for the bounties of hearth and table, for the solace of family and friends, for fellowship and partnership, for a meeting of like minds, and for physical enjoyment, for providence and protection, for bread and for flowers, thank you.

indescribable gift

pardon for sin and a peace that endureth/ thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide/ strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow/ blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!  -  thomas chisolm

we sing this in church today, the reprise of my wedding hymn. it is as difficult to sing today as it was twenty years ago. i want at once to proclaim the words, and also to tremble at my presumptuousness. would my God give me so much, with more besides? can there truly be no shadow of turning with him? and then i remember that Christ did not hold back his life but laid it down freely for me. i need to say with the centurion, my God, i believe. help my unbelief!

o give me grace to follow my master and my friend.  -  j e bode