my children aren't superstars... but that's okay

it started with this letter to dear abby in the paper last week. this woman writes that she and her husband have brought up three great children, but that they aren't superstars. now, on a regular basis (usually related to my menstrual cycles）, i look at our two teens and wonder if i have done anything irredeemably wrong with their upbringing... are they independent enough? are they motivated enough? do they know between right and wrong? have they any idea how to manage their time? their money? will they be easily led astray?

the letter was a gift at a particularly low point. i look at my two children and can only give thanks for the way they have grown.

J1 is fourteen-and-a-half, on the cusp of independence and his own personality, thoughts and viewpoints. he is sensitive, funny, compassionate, blessed with the ability to make good friends and to keep them, and gifted with a musicality far beyond what he inherited from HOM or myself. J2 is thirteen-plus, a pint-sized dynamo of ideas, opinions, plans, instructions and chatter. it is tiring to keep up with her. her mind works swiftly and relentlessly, so that she is often five steps ahead of whoever she is talking to, which makes her frustrated and impatient.

more than anything else i give thanks that for now, J1 and J2 walk in the faith of their parents...

i see myself and HOM in each of them, and therefore i see the pitfalls of their characters before they have manifested themselves... i worry that J1 will be too easy-going, too undemanding, too dreamy to survive in life. i worry that in his desire to see more, experience more, he will turn aside from his path. i worry that J2 with her rich creativity and great ability may forget to learn gentleness and compassion, and that her sharp angles may take too many years to soften. and oh! i worry that i have not given sufficient slack to J1 for him to learn from making his own mistakes, and i worry that i have chipped off too much of J2's native confidence with my maternal arguments.

and well, they are not academic, or athletic, or extra-curricular superstars. they are reasonably successful, perhaps one more than the other at one time or other. take J1. he is bright but has a horror of being labelled a nerd, so sometimes all i want to do is sit him down and nag him through another round of schoolwork review! then take J2. because J1 effortlessly plays games and music, she will not strive to do anything much there - it's not worth the threat to her self-esteem to have to compete with J1.

but the letter reminded me that this is OKAY. the important thing is that they love, and are trustworthy, and faithful. in fact, they are great children that we have been blessed with, and we would not have enjoyed them so much if they had turned out differently. so today, in the quiet after the weekend, i prayed for them again that they may grow in maturity, in wisdom, in good judgment, and in faithfulness that they may walk with their lord all the days of their lives.