for the record

things i dread going into the new year:

having to absolutely de-clutter

then pack and move yet another time

the college app results

re-joining the economically active

and saying goodbye

yet again.

reflecting on genesis

think about it. if ol' Abram had known at the end of chapter 11 that he woud end up in chapter 22 by and by he might well have had a panic attack and dug himself into a cave deep in Ur.

i'm pretty sure there's a lesson for me here for 2012.

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you... I will help you, I will uphold you...

- isa 41:10

already?

almost over.

another year

feeling very blessed.

disclaimer: 

number of candles reflects number available in the drawer 

and not the actual number represented.

rockefeller plaza

what i've been thinking:

hans brinker-esque silver skates topped by 

buttoned-up peacoats fur hats and wool mufflers 

zipping by under a clear winter sky.

what i finally see:

by HOM

northface jackets and beanies pouring from a crowd as thick as the london fog.

ny, ny

wrong time to visit. just because i love the energy and excitement and lights and memories. or perhaps simply because i love the energy and excitement and memories.

as it is HOM and i and J2 find ourselves in a party of a dozen or so in a horrendous crush of the rest of humanity all trying to fit into the rockefeller plaza. and times square. and the roads. also the air.

what i say is, remind me next time.

irritants

whatever - like - you know - seriously - just sayin'
top five most annoying words of the year.

wow, if we completely proscribed them we would end up with, um, dignified silence?
by golly!

o come let us adore him

the choir outdid themselves today, HOM tells me. beautifully full cathedral sound unlike the more usual suboptimal offering. wonderful invention, condenser microphones.

immanuel

surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows

... the chastisement for our peace was upon him

and by his stripes we are healed. 

thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

precious mem'ries

slumming it out on the couch with HOM and J2 watching:

food network challenge

house hunters

storage wars

ghetto justice

brainless stress-free feel-good entertainment that lends itself to much amazement and armchair commentary. 

bringing up father

HOM and J1 talk about business things. here is how i would evaluate this company, HOM says. these are what i look at. this is how i make my calculations. when the telephone call is over HOM looks at me. did we just talk about what? his smile says.

when your nineteen year old son asks a question that you can craft an answer to and there is enough mutual regard that he listens to your answer, it is both a relief and a privilege.

Immanuel

beyond the fun and laughter and sense of obligation and duty and the tyranny of the default, there is one reason only why i can sing: i sing because i'm free.

near the cross a trembling soul, love and mercy found me - there the bright and morning star shed its beams around me. the birth of the baby. the death of the man. wretched sinner. redeemed, atoned for, justified, sanctified. thank God.

o come let us adore him - cantata 2011

i practice the alto voice diligently for the cantata tomorrow. although, as i tell J2, i'm not sure i need to bother. due to manpower constraints, there is one lone alto this year to an entire posse of sopranos. i can pretty much make up my own melodic line and no one would be the wiser.

this is our final cantata with cabin john church. it's been a precious run.

decorum

we discuss gift-opening strategies in asia and in the states. back east, it is the height of ill-breeding to open a gift in the presence of the giver. over here, it is an untainted discourtesy to leave a gift unexplored on immediate receipt.

it's the concept of face, we explain to J2. so that the giver who may not have brought a lavish enough gift is not embarrassed. i guess americans are simpler people, J2 says. they don't agonize unnecessarily. you bet, i tell her. chinese people, of course, own the patent on angst.

the cost of discipleship - bonhoeffer (1939)

cheap grace is the deadly enemy of our church, bonhoeffer says. we are fighting today for costly grace. thus begins his classic treatise on Christ, his follower and the world. 

i wish i had read this earlier, i tell HOM. it contains much useful teaching about my christian walk. and yet i probably could not read this earlier. it is too magnificent to read too soon. one needs to plumb the depths of depravity before he is able to gasp in relief and pleasure at the gift of grace and accept bonhoeffer's premise* without quarreling with him.

*his premise being total, willing, joyful, privileged obedience to Christ.

invictus - john carlin (2008)

the sub-title says nelson mandela and the game that made a nation. in a nutshell, an absorbing account of how a superbly astute politician seduces an entire nation over to his point of view in a totally gracious, appeal-to-the heart-respect-the-head kind of way, complete with a rousingly feel-good ending.

by the end of the book, i have:

• heard 3 songs on youtube: nkosi sikelele, die stem, shosholoza,
• a amazed appreciation that south africa underwent not a revolution but a reconciliation,
• acquired a budding interest in rugby, and
• been inspired.

although he does overdo the comparison with religion motif a bit. forgiveness and reconciliation are fine, but redemption and atonement are best left alone unless you know exactly what you are saying.

an officer and a gentleman (1982)

HOM makes me sit through the dvd with him. it's about time, he says. it'll give me an idea of what my son has endured. 

if you want to know, this is my first new drama movie in ten years or so. somewhere along the way between more youthful days and the age of decision i stopped watching anything more stressful than cars. it's a nice show, i discover happily. i had forgotten what fun it was to watch a good movie with a guaranteed good ending.

the agony & the ecstasy

reading this week:

invictus by john carlin
the cost of discipleship - ending soon, okay?
insights on romans - chuck swindoll

all in paper form.

books of the year

the non-fiction is the undisputed king this year although j.d. robbs provided much entertainment too. 

and the assured writer of the year is:

dietrich bonhoeffer

precious mem'ries 2011

the LORD turned to him and said, "go in the strength you have... am i not sending you?"

- judges 6:14

discovering that the steps open up one by one

that the strength we are given equals the days

and that the treasures far exceed the promise.

in working with the youth this year my own youth have been blessed.

precious mem'ries 2011

studying the book of romans

with HOM

and the youth

and the adults

has been an undeserved, glorious, blessing.

my heart stands in awe of your Word

- psalm 119:161

precious mem'ries 2011

telephone chats

father & son ties

bobby flay! broadway! 

ny, ny!

blue vistas!

tiramisu on demand

talking about life with J2

putting hands to the same plow

ebenezer

d.c. cupcakes

some things are better in our memories,

that's what i say.

today's secret, not-on-menu flavor, is

milk chocolate squared,

in case you were wondering.

bobby's burger palace

so we have lunch at the burger joint in d.c.

tell me why one of our fellow customers is there 

ordering his sandwich and fries

in a grubbily unmistakeable 

WHITE LAB COAT?

because, whether he works in a lab or with patients, 

i don't even want to imagine 

who the bacteria of the day might be.

on a side note:

i never want to eat another mcdonald's burger again.

crunch time

irreversible things happen in split seconds. like the awful craack of the rear view mirror as you back into the garage and a reciprocal craack as you run over it on the floor. where are teenaged drivers when you need them to blame?

tiramisu days

J2 makes this.

i'll say this: if you don't know what goes into it 

you can eat with greater impunity. 

on the balance, she's a useful kid to have around, is J2.

yes

in the midst of the glitter and tinsel and festive frenzies 

today i am reminded that christmas leads to the eventual question: 

was i there when they crucified my Lord?

twosome time

so we want a private time with just the two of us, full wi-fi access abundant space and adequate hot water pressure, ease of commute and a free conscience. the best option is looking to be a staycation with forages at will into d.c. rockville and tyson's, while J2 does her own thing at school.

there is much to be said about living on the edges of a tourist hotspot.

perspectives

in the way of expat communities, i am introduced to a young woman from the old country. the conversation turns to high schools. her husband went to mine, she says. your husband is from the year 19xx is he not, someone asks. that's my year too! i say. would i know him? apparently not. 19xx is the year i went to high school and the year her husband was born.

2011, in gratitude

to learn that God is able to, and indeed does, watch between us when we are absent one from another.

to discover wondrously that He is able to do new things on tired soil, to see a road built in the wilderness and a river made in the desert.

to remember that He goes on the journey through the waters and the flames.

then Samuel took a stone ... and called its name Ebenezer, saying, "thus far the LORD has helped us."

- 1 Sam 7:17

forethought

winter break looms. can't make a lunch date, my friend says. i need to sort out our holiday plans.

oh. 

our holiday plans this year are to ensure the college apps go off on time.

advent accessories 2

christmas is emphatically made in china these days.

advent accessories

lots more of these around the neighborhoods this year than in any of our previous years.

HOM's theory is that their floridness is a barometer of the prevailing economic sentiment.

rawr.

this has been

one of those weekends that begin with friday night commitments leading onto saturday commitments leading onto sunday commitments and then just when you are about to settle into some couple time your daughter actually makes it back home punctually.

social network

new facebook trend:

of people thanking their gods for their significant others and wishing all manner of blessing and longevity upon them, ON THEIR FACEBOOK STATUS, on their birthdays anniversaries and other dog days. significant others who, as i understand it, reside in the same household or presumably have access to restricted communiqués.

you won't catch me doing this. i'm too busy cringing.

remember when

i drop by our freshly renovated neighborhood library. it is a cheery place with soaring windows giving on to a little park. children scamper about practically adult-less. with fearless abandon! the adults have conversations with each other. inside the library! the shelves, bless 'em, are to shoulder level and no higher. and not a single wood panel in sight either. 

this is very friendly and modern and i answer my cellphone in it with impunity. but i do miss, just a wee bit, the mustiness and the enormous oak tables and the resident dragon and the secret treasures. most especially i miss the quiet.

fields of yesterday

i spy the high school track people pounding the pavement. suddenly i see in my mind's eye another high schooler running. over summers and winters at pre-dawns and evenings and from texas to virginia, as i do the soccer mom thing and wait.

memories sometimes come unbidden and blindside you.

twenty-one

every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights... 

- james 1:17

it's been good. i still do. gimme more.

feliz navidad

i'll say this.

it's one week into december and i've contracted a full blown case of christmas carol fatigue. enough already, please!!! 

christmas shopping

time was when you went to the store to buy their gift card. these days my neighborhood grocer's has a couple of aisles' worth of competitors' gift cards for my spending pleasure. copping out on the cop-out gift, that's wot i say, and that's wot i've done.

tempus fugit

J1 calls from camp. training is starting to wind down for the year. how quickly time has passed, he says. his father laughs. only to you, HOM tells him. to me it passes slowly enough, as i ask God for your safety daily.

and yet, i suppose it has passed quickly enough too. almost a year down, with cadet school almost over, and he's still hanging on. reason enough for thanksgiving.

sign of times

gettin' cold these days.

a day in Dog's life

8 p.m. to 2p.m.

sleep

2 p.m.

lunch
wait for J2

greet J2 wildly on her return from school
wait for walk

4:30 p.m. to 6:30  p.m.

walk

wait for HOM to return

greet HOM wildly on his return

wait desperately for treat

6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m.

get treat

haunt the dinner table

evening ablutions

8 p.m.

repeat (vide supra)

room service on demand

personal butler included

whoever said it's a dog's life in a commiserating tone of voice

clearly was not a pet dog owner 

in the twenty-first century.

ready for christmas

here's Dog, all freshly groomed

in his new bed

and as ready as he's going to get.

looking ahead

countdown to year's end:

advent calendar begins

caroling practice

shopping!

snow shovels!

stock-piling!

there is a depressing regularity about how consistently the final two items make their appearance annually. to think that in texas we actually welcomed snow days.

techncal glitch

stickykeys on acccount of heglass of cranerry juice OM upended over the keyboard.

december!

first seasonal frost this morning. my poor fingers are still numb from the school run. was it for this i welcomed the cold weather?

facts of life

asian meticulousness 

meets american paranoia 

meets litigation law.

post-thanksgiving 3

J2, who ordinarily eats with more abandon than even i, announces that she will be exercising more restraint henceforth.

if you ask me, youthful impunity meets weighty reality.

post-thanksgiving sales

con:

bodyache

pro:

my new cooking pot

post-thanksgiving 2

pro:

it's over. whew.

con:

it's over. 

very possibly our last american thanksgiving.

post-thanksgiving

pro:

i don't need to cook for a couple of weeks

con:

we'll be eating turkey leftovers for a couple of weeks.

dinner party

i've got it.

the holiday stress is not from the cooking. because after all, the food network has pretty much nailed all the rudiments of the festive meal, down to the last hour of scientific production line cooking. as long as you stick to their instructions it's idiot proof.

the problem lies in the fact that the dishwasher can only hold so many dishes and pans and glasses and stuff, and everything else has to be painfully processed by some poor soul at the kitchen sink.

i hate washing up. but i ♥ HOM.

calamity town - ellery queen (1942)

fortunately the technique improves over two decades. the pace moves enough to make me turn the pages. the plot is satisfyingly devilish. there is some nice human interest. and rather engaging courtroom dialogue.

i'll say this. ellery queen improves with age.

in thanks

for family and friends

for hearth and table

for labor and harvest

and

for richest pleasure.

the roman hat mystery - ellery queen (1929)

in a word. slow.

in a second word. quaint.

in more words. rather satisfying, if you can get past the pace. enlightening too, for a palate mostly used to english eccentricities for detective stories of a certain vintage. and really, if you consider my recent diet of eve dallas set in nyc fifty years hence, this is as paradigm a shift as you can get. and not a single blue word in sight either.

verdict: unexpectedly delightful.

in thanksgiving

not what we trained for

nor where we thought

not what we hoped for

nor where we chose

gifts given

visions seen

hope renewed

prayer answered
often unawares

a time to abide

and to build up 

a time to yield

and then to splinter

a time of purposelessness

and of quiet preparation

a time of conviction

and a time of doing

he makes everything beautiful in its time.

empty seat

J1 turns another year. this is the first birthday we do not mark together. it is the price of growing up.

keep well, my son. keep safe where you are. keep faithful. remember he abides with you. remember we hold you in our hearts and in our prayers. know that we are proud of you. know that we are thankful for you.

may God supply your every need.

bittersweet, again

as always, the tree, around J1's birthday.

HOM puts it up alone this year.

there's been so much to give thanks for

but around this time

we especially feel the empty seat.

call a bird a bird

the blurb says vegan turkey. i ask HOM, was this bird raised by principles of diet? turns out this is what they call a bird substitute, much like mock duck and mock abalone.

what i want to know is, if you don't eat meat, why don't you simply glory in tofu? finicky eater that i am, i don't eat all manner of certain animals and their innards and exotic fruits and miscellaneous foods of unpleasing color. i would not dream of fashioning a soy knock-off to persuade myself i was in fact eating them.

thanksgiving 2011

J1 calls us in the wee hours from his jungle stint at the other end of the world. i'm fine, he says. it's a very nice place. say hi to dad for me. i've got to go; it's my friend's card.

how gloriously He provides, in the unexpected calls and small kindnesses of mundane conversations!

iCloud

i type a document on the ipad.
i retrieve the document on the desk-top.
no cables. no send button. no secret password.

this is as close to science fiction as it gets.
apple gets my vote for classy innovation. yesss.

hah!

my cool new live wallpaper with ciliated unicellular organisms 

wandering all over the place complete with 

bubbles and dust particles under the screen protector.

it's like having my private portable aquarium.

*pant*

J2 gives me a twenty minute tutorial on how to customize my android smartphone. it feels like running a sprint in a sauna mixed metaphors be damned.

they shouldn't let energetic teenaged tech-geeks loose on middle-aged idiots who only want a cute screen and don't know where the home button is.

kindle fire

with two e-readers in the house, we are now very with-it and flexible. we can even share e-books. the only drawback is what they all say about the kindle fire: it's unbelievably slow when it comes to surfing the wider world. 

we want cool looks effective gadgets and unquestionable speed. especially those of us who are looking for a cheap equivalent to the ipad2, skinflints that we are. please.

signs of times

harbingers of the season:

• down jackets
• the smell of cinnamon
• turkeys in the stores
• canned food donation drives
• the salvation army guy at the street corner

i shall always be grateful for the opportunity to live in the here and now and for the memories that it gives me.

comfort food

i purchase our annual frozen turkey two boxes of gravy and a can of cranberry sauce for our fifth american thanksgiving. HOM reminds me to get the herbs cinnamon and salt and maybe a new pail to brine the bird in. he's all excited.

our friends want to invite us over for a chilli crab dinner. oriental south east asian hearts beat in glad glorious anticipation. ain't no thanksgivin' turkey could give a chilli crab a run for its money, honey.

activities

J2's off on an overnight college visit, on one of those spread-the-news charm-your-socks-off goodwill tours that colleges court the public dollar with.

HOM and i are off to the outlet malls.

11.11.11

nice !!.!!.!!

yumm-o 2

kitchen toys to seduce the non-cooking technophobe:

• cuisinart food processor
• tiger thermal magic pot

as HOM quite evidently knows. ♥ ♥ ♥ 

daylight savings 2

getting an additional hour to the twenty four turns out to be a total non-event. largely because i go to sleep with a delicious feeling fully intending to wake up at the appointed hour, which will turn out to be an hour earlier, but having the ipod clock auto-update itself and wake me up at the new correct hour.

what this means is that all those people who wish for an additional hour or two to their days would be sorely disappointed if their wish was granted. just look at daylight savings. millions of people affected twice a year, and only the cable programmers scramble.

daylight savings

time was when we went around the house changing the clocks. remember the alarm clocks!

these days with the computer clock and the phone clocks and the alarms set up in the smartphones and ipods everything is pretty much on auto-pilot. anything that requires manual adjustment is clearly ornamental.

in any case, this marks the beginning of the end of the year!

in gratitude

and can it be that i should gain/ an interest in the Savior's blood/ died he for me who caused his pain/ for me, who him to death pursued?

no condemnation now i dread/ Jesus, and all in him, is mine/ alive in him, my living head/ and clothed in righteousness divine.

amazing love! how can it be that thou my God shouldst die for me?

- charles wesley

poorly made in china - paul midler (2009)

the author is an american representing american companies working with chinese factories in south china. how much can an outsider write that is to the mark, i wonder?

pretty much, it turns out. even after allowing for cultural obtuseness (!) he makes unpleasant points that are painfully consistent with our observation of and experience with china, chinese, and china made goods.

there are two china's today. the exotic inscrutable middle kingdom built upon centuries of proud refinement sits in our fond imaginations and wars with the brash brazen reality in aggressive survival mode.

all i say is, disagreeable but not unexpected. also, as i've said for years, better not buy made-in-china, if you have a choice, which is not often. and finally, i say, it's sad, and i don't see how it will improve in the short to medium term, and i'm chinese.

signs of times

on the eve of the SAT language with listening test J2 receives an urgent request to borrow our trusty portable CD player.

it appears that portable CD players have become extinct on store shelves. iTunes has taken over the world.

splinter skills

what some people do on facebook that defy the concept of networking:
they only:

1. make new friends, or
2. play games, or
3. wish people "happy birthday".

put up your own status update, puh-leeze!

calendar countdown

why this is my favorite time:
1. thanksgiving
2. christmas
3. baking (other people's, i mean)
4. the colors
5. the weather (for a bit anyway)
6. HOM going on leave
7. food network (see #1,2,3,6)

one for the books

lovely windy fall day today.

the best way to enjoy these

 is to stay indoors

next to a sunny window and

next to the portable heater.

morbidity

the 'phone rings. the caller id says hospital emergency. my heart goes pitter-pat. the voice asks for dr so-and-so. my heart stops skittering.

i love wrong numbers. 

malodor

the house smells of kimchi, on account of J2's breakfast of kimchi and gingerbread cake. 

we are nothing if not unorthodoxly odoriferous.

two books

i'm working my way through these:
poorly made in china - paul midler (2008)
the cost of discipleship - d bonhoeffer (1948)

an american in china and an anti-hitler german in the second world war, both in their thirties. i begin to think it is unfair to toggle M with B simply because it shows him up in such a supremely unflattering light. B writes elegant strong prose with minimal superfluity. M is jejune by comparison and brash to boot. B's thinking is clear organized and logical. M has some logic i am still trying to decipher. also, B is clean. i expend energy anticipating M being off color.

having my expectations of american writers shaped by robin wright paul yergin and thomas friedman is unkind to paul midler i suppose. investigative journalists are not busy businessmen. but then neither are they a wartime theologian, and that one holds up well enough. i guess what i'm saying is, if you don't write well, and you write commercially, get help.

just call me Princess

the fellow at the counter at the pizza store/ deli/ cellphone repair shop/ helpline wants my first name to put me into the line waiting for service. 

all i say is, why? 

i get that we are all equal and do not lord it over one another. are we therefore intimate?

the agony & the ecstasy

reading this week:

indulgence in death - j d robb
poorly made in china - paul midler
insights on romans - c swindoll
the cost of discipleship - d bonhoeffer

11.1.11

just for the fun of it.

morning after

all is forgotten.

today is a superbly crisp autumnal sort of day.

note to self: buy windshield de-icer quick.

change of season

so much for autumn.

we're in dark dreary slushy fall all right.

and it's going to be icy too.

in the name of jesus - henri nouwen (1989)

an unexpected contemplation of the three temptations of Jesus - to be relevant, to be spectacular, and to be powerful - and the antidotes - prayer, confession and forgiveness, and theological reflection.

i am blessed by the encounter.

dreams and shadows - robin wright (2008)

here is a fascinating story of dreams and ideals and proud civilizations and priceless heritage and how history tears them apart and feeds them to the dogs. it is a painful account of hope and courage and the corrupting influence of too much power, and is all the more poignant when read in the light of the arab spring of 2011.

what i say is, violence quite clearly is not the answer. not even when the other side is  blacker than black, because innocent people always suffer.

i also say, after reading this, things at home don't seem so bad after all. the grass may be greener but their streams are bloodier.

cas-pah 2

cutest set of ghouls award:

lady macbeth would turn in her grave.

!@#$%!

HOM and i and some friends have an unusually unpleasant encounter with ill-bred discourtesy.

was it a chinese guy? J2 wants to know. she is surprised to find out it was not. i thought for sure it would be, she says. it takes a chinese to know another, you could say.

you live and you learn i guess. i've learnt that ill breeding acknowledges no ethnic or national loyalties. all undifferentiated spawn of ol' man Abraham.

groundhog bonanza

3:30 pm go to airport

5 pm flight delayed

6 pm flight delayed

7 pm flight delayed

8 pm flight delayed

that's just the domestic leg

if you think you've heard this before you would be right on the money.

been there, done that

a young woman i know gets into medical school.

i'm so glad for you, i tell her. but take care, i also want to say, that you do not lose yourself in your dream. God does not call you to doctorhood. he calls you to a life well lived, and along the way he gives you things to do that you may rejoice in, or be strained by, for a short while, or for long, and one of them is your job. take care, i want to say, to store up for yourself treasure that the moths cannot get at, because it is so easy to stack up the other kind.

sigh

i miss trawling the art museums in d.c. on autumn friday mornings with J1. these days i lack:

• someone comfortable 
• to do it with, and
• the energy to go it alone.

HOM, bless him, is a lovely man but not given to art museums and he has to bring home the bacon besides.

fuzzy wuzzy 2

i am no longer on iCloud.

imConfused.

fuzzy wuzzy

in a rash of infectious enthusiasm i am now on iOS5 and iCloud.

but
i instant message on skype
i use the iMac calendar, which means i now have duplicate calendars
i use notes on my iMac, which doesn't go on the cloud
additionally
i only have one iOS5 device, because the ipod touch is 2G and doesn't count.

on reflection it was perhaps a misguided rash of infectious enthusiasm.
i blame HOM.

diaspora

J2 grapples with the common app. under demographic, am i china or southeast asian? she asks me. assuredly southeast asian, i tell her firmly. we are ethnic chinese but with a whole lot more rich murkiness to our psyche than china ever loaded on to it. unlike my parents' generation, my affiliation with china pales beside the nanyang chinese malay indian baba and eurasian layers wrapped around my heart.

visiting hours

i visit my friend in hospital. he is one day post surgery, and looks ready enough to talk, so i stay.

but i think, seriously, if i were in hospital, i would decidedly not be ready to talk, and certainly not at all hours of the day that they allow visitors in these days. 

i would like, i think, not to have any visitors, if i were admitted to hospital, apart from HOM and J1 and J2. and it would be nice not to talk or be talked unto, unless the occasion called for it. i would instead like lots of books to read.

romans 1:20

o lord God, who inhabitest eternity,

the heavens declare thy glory,

the earth thy riches.

the universe is thy temple;

thy presence fills immensity,

yet thou hast of thy pleasure created life, and communicated happiness;

thou hast made me what i am, and given me what i have;

... impress me deeply with a sense of thine omnipresence,

that thou art about my path, my ways, my lying down, my end.

- the valley of vision

guard me from casual unthinking arrogance.

existential question

does the chicken come first or the egg? HOM says the chicken undoubtedly, on account of the egg being unable to self-incubate.

which means the question is no longer about coming first, but this: which is the chicken and which is the egg?

yumm-o

i've said this before but it bears reiteration: I LOVE MY CUISINART FOOD PROCESSOR. although it has taken us three years to figure out we've been using the wrong attachment to get undesired results all this while. but it's nothing we couldn't have avoided with an actual perusal of the instruction manual.

popiah party coming up.

estrogen fest

i scour the outlet malls today in a girls-only outing. it is a refreshing experience to have to pop only into what stores interest me. coach: yes! fossil: yes! brooks brothers: next time!

what i say is, HOM saves a lot of money because i am an odd size.
i have a dinky new beret that i have to figure out how to perch flatteringly on me.

spot dx

frequency 

dysuria

terminal hematuria

ouch

sob
:(

still hangin' in there

our light bulbs are taking turns to blow. in over a dozen years we have not had the novel experience of hanging around a home beyond the lifespan of our light fixtures.

it is a happy problem. sometimes it takes a light bulb to remind us that God answers desperate prayers with gentle mercies.

cooking class

J2 shows me how to mince garlic. there! she says. you should be able to do this yourself the next time. i don't think i can get it quite so minced, i protest. you've got to take pride in your work, mom. you'll be able to do it if you tell yourself you won't settle for less.

mind who you're talking to, young lady. besides, i make a killer instant noodle dish.

cas-pah

the tombstone extravaganza award for this year:

ethics - d bonhoeffer (1962 ed.)

does a man write a book such as this today? what he discusses are not comfortably dealt with in bullet points and abstracts and case studies. they are too radical and intricate and discursive and compelling. does a man conceive of such a work in his mid-thirties?

the sword can never bring about the unity of the church and of the faith. preaching can never govern nations. but the Lord of both kingdoms ... rules the world through the office of the word and the office of the sword. (p.95) we would do well, i think, with our ideologies and our tea parties and talk of fairness and affirmative action, to remember. 

pop!

against medical advice, for the first time since i hit puberty, i pop the little blackhead on my nose. there is an immediate egress of a black pinhead followed by a nice bead of pus. this is a terrible thing to admit doing but an eminently gratifying one.

it will be great to say goodbye to hormonal cycling among other things when i hit that time of life.

song of praise

i stand at my kitchen window and watch the leaden skies the rain beat down and the leaves eddy in the wind. there is a glorious and awful majesty to effortless beauty that one has to see to believe, and in believing, to bow.

he puts eternity into our circumscribed hearts.

prepare ye the way

here's a sample of letters to the editor of the premier english language daily in singapore today:

SGH team (part of a letter)

why he chose public over private hospital

medical students to the rescue

patient's honor roll at hospital

that's out of fourteen letters.

one does not recall another occasion one saw such an exuberant explosion of compliments to such a nicely balanced range of health care personnel. so one naturally wonders, what new policy change is afoot in the ol' republic, that the paths are made straight and swept clean? or does one simply witness the gracious flow of the milk of human kindnesses?

tidiot*

the 'phone rings. that lowest life form, the telemarketer, greets me. she's a machine activated by my hello. this call is for anyone who is interested in affordable dental insurance.

what i say is, it appears they are fast scraping the bottom of the barrel here. machine. wide net. random subject. this is non-targeted marketing at its most non-discriminating.

*telephone idiot, not necessarily human.

the agony & the ecstasy

what i'm reading this week:

is the same as last week. see here. the days are getting shorter.

dyspepsia

body curling awful.

i have a sneaky suspicion this is related to the sudden injection of the large dose of buffalo wild wings into a genteel bland diet. bugger the grease.

aptness

to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.  

- eccl 3:1

deliberate resolve and action, rest as well as work, purposelessness as well as the fulfillment of purpose, inclination as well as duty, play as well as earnest endeavor; joy as well as renunciation.  

- bonhoeffer, ethics (chap. vii, p. 260)

scrumplicious

buffalo wild wings

mango habanero sauce

beyond spicy

beyond calories
and beyond all good sense

my absolute favorite junk food.

sunday morning

this is turning out to be one over-scheduled weekend.

as of last count, four events down and three to go, not counting the three visits to the optometrist on account of HOM's eyeglasses and not including J2's events, which she brings herself to these days.

fortunately tomorrow is Columbus Day monday and i can go shopping.

the agony & the ecstasy

reading this week:

dreams and shadows - robin wright
insights on romans - charles r swindoll
ethics - dietrich bonhoeffer

there are only so many reading-enabled hours a day, which is why we're a bit short on murders lately.

casual friday

HOM gets to dress down to work today.

now i'm not thinking flowing caftan robes. or graphic tee with ripped cut-offs. or even polo tee with khakis. but i admit i thought plaid shirt with jeans and perhaps a suede jacket.

what he actually wears is: dress shirt dress pants dress jacket and dress shoes. look, he says, no tie! 

i disagree

... you have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. this approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life ... you've got to find what you love. and that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers ... and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. and the only way to do great work is to love what you do.  - steve jobs, 2005 stanford commencement speech

this has got to be the most quoted speech in the world today. it is full of inspiring endings to youthful rebellion and good karma for bad happenings. i suspect people are going to sprout follow your passion with a vengeance now.

what i say is, be very careful what, or who, you trust. if we trust the wrong thing, a man once said, we are to be pitied more than all men. i also say, it is given to some to find and do what they love, but it is given to all to do heartily what they do, and to do it very well. 

disclosure: i use and love apples.

man vs machine

six calls. two call centers. four (rather sweet) representatives. four hours.

i know all about my mail preferences now. as i do incoming servers outgoing servers advanced settings and ports. i know that keying in my password twenty times is not the ideal way of trouble-shooting why my emails do not come in. i know too that keying in my password twenty times is the trouble-shooter's default fallback method of trouble-shooting.

the final representative suggests that i re-start the machine. now that is one brilliant fellow.

fashionista

jeggings are apparently leggings that look like jeans and, according to J2, are typically not worn without paraphernalia.

there you go. i thought i put on pants this morning to go with my stunning teal sweater.

woman's lib

today i register for a gmail account. to my very own name! as i tell HOM, after fifteen years of using his email address i finally feel ready to create my own separate cyber identity. it's a bit of a letdown, because by your late forties you can't very well call yourself hotcandy@gmail.com. on the other hand me@gmail.com is miles more professional than somebodyelse'sname@gmail.com.

righteousness

has the Church merely to gather up those whom the wheel has crushed or has she to prevent the wheel from crushing them?  - dietrich bonhoeffer, ethics

... you who pass judgment ... at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.  - romans 2:1

it is tempting to forget it is the Lord's battle, and to audaciously appropriate it.

one for the books

today, one week officially out of summer, we have a day to do winter proud. yessirree. the scarf the socks the hat the long coat the gloves and the frosty puff of breath come out to replace the shorts and the flip-flops we were sporting yesterday. truly.

what i mean is, i feel cheated of my fall.

lesson

he who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

- proverbs 21:23

it is my heartfelt conviction that, next to learning to let a child go, the toughest lesson a parent has to learn is how to keep her mouth firmly shut when the insides are just boiling to spew forth.

diaper changes and the alphabet got nuthin' on this, baby.

change of season

i switch the a/c off today. 

this gives me an inexplicable but delicious feeling of anticipation for the rest of the year.

if you are like me, perhaps you notice too that today is the last day of september, and sigh, just a little.

college app

J2 shows me her college app essays. they are like rice paintings to me, full of metaphorical minimalist brush strokes.

back in the day, we presented school records and listed our choices in order of preference. then we had an interview and talked about how we intended to integrate profession and family. it was all very literal. the stakes weren't too high because frankly we didn't know any better.

what i mean to say is, i don't think i could get into college today.

a dark & stormy night

Dog spends the night pretending to be invisible on our bedroom rug. his sighs and grunts weave their way into my sleep.

Dog has refuge from the storm but now i have an entire library of dreams to recover from.

memento mori

he no longer sprints across the fields. he lumbers and stops and lumbers. 

in defense

i am ... a Jew, born in Tarsus, a city in Cilicia, yet brought up in this city at the feet of Gamaliel, and taught according to the perfect manner of the law of the fathers, and was zealous toward God, as ye all are this day.  - acts 22:3

how amazing that God calls in spite of all that we are

and that he uses all that we are.

mva

J2 backs the car into the garage wall and beyond. it is, as she describes it, a case of mistaken identity involving pedal positions and blind panic.

J2 is appalled into silence. my smart-mouthed quick-witted fierily confident daughter is so dazed that she actually keeps silent. shock does amazing things to people.

another spidiot

here, skim through this:

Dearest,

May the peace of GOD  be upon you.

I am Mrs. Koh Li Peng from Singapore, suffering from cancerous ailment.I am married to late Mr. Richard Stanley, an American and former Chief Executive Officer of DBS Bank Ltd. My husband was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukaemia, a cancer of the blood and bone marrow, 11 April 2009 after a brave fight with the disease he died. Our life together as man and wife lasted for two decades with three children.

My husband died after a protracted illness. He and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals as he had passion for persons who couldn't help themselves due to physical disabilities or financial predicaments. I can adduce this to the fact that while on his sick bed, he gave his life to the Lord. Although, while still alive, he had safe deposit worthy $35 million US Dollars toa Security and Finance Firm which were derived from his vast estae, corporate investments in capital market around the Southeast Asian Regions andhad given an instruction to give out exactly half of the total sum to charity. Please, click the website for more :http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/421655/1/.html

Although, the money is still with the finance firm, my doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to my cancerous problems, which I am suffering from right now. I had delayed in obeying my husband?s instructions to donating this money and have recently had anencounter with him in dream, while on my sick bed and still insisting that I adheared to his instruction of giving out this money, I am now, left with less option but to contact you immediately, as I feel my situation has been due to my ignorance to giving out this money long ago. I have taken this decision in good fate and I do not want my husband's hard earned money to be misused. I do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner hence, the reason for taking this bold decision.

Showing you willingness I would request you to kindly provide me with your personal information as below:i) Full Names, ii) Home/Office Address, iii) Fax/Mobile/Land Phones iv) Age, v) Sex, vi) Occupation & Copy of Valid Identification respectively.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the full details of the Finance Firm and. Please always be prayerful all through your life and assure me that you will act just as I have advised. I await your urgent response soon and remain bless.

Yours Sincerely,

Mrs. Koh Li Peng

what i want to ask is, HOW STUPID DO YOU TAKE ME TO BE?

HOM wants to know why i bother to take note. i have to for this one, i say. her hopeful brainlessness is astounding, even for this genre.

the agony & the ecstasy

reading this week:

bad science - ben goldacre. ♥
dreams and shadows - robin wright
ethics - d bonhoeffer. slow, i know. but you can't speed-read this.

the new facebook

they've gone and introduced a slew of stuff to wade through again, all working, one supposes, towards that day when we can all be easily and systematically fleeced as we network on the global stage.

what i like:

the acquaintances list. here is where i put the people that i regret friending but do not have the courage to unfriend yet. repent at leisure and all that.

what i really want:

a dislike button and a you don't say? button. i bet you these will add a nice nuance to our responses and pre-empt some regrettable comments.

google+

talk about helping you along their way.

domestic slob

household tip #1: do not tumble dry a black knit sweater together with a white dress shirt, because by murphy's and several related laws the black will latch onto the white despite the presence of lots of other concurrent pieces in the dryer.

today i iron HOM's dress shirt with a lint remover.

my commercial hate list

1. t-shirts labels. icky itchy things.
2. merchandise price stickers. sticky you know?
3. shoe size 6-10. some people are 5 1/2.
4. bleeding colors. duh.

too hard to stir

fresh from ben goldacre's inspiring lessons, i've been trying to digest this. it is an intellectual exercise in futility. was it for this the clay grew tall?

diplopia

a totally unintended effect mind you.

i keep looking and turning away and looking again

and it still looks in focus and in double.

bad science - ben goldacre (2008)

this should be subtitled statistics and ebm for the dummy. i'm feeling enormously empowered after reading it. bring on the numbers! i want to say. deal me the studies! see me go beyond the abstract! watch me critique the m & m!

incidentally, here is the synopsis of a meta-analysis that gladdens the heart. chocophiles worldwide are finally vindicated.

emancipation 2

it feels naked. i feel blind.

but the best feeling is not to feel the frames on my nose and behind my ears.

wheeeee!

emancipation

four decades of eyeglasses later i am on monovision contact lenses. that's contact lenses for people who require correction for distance and for reading, so, as he explains it, one eye looks into the distance and the other eye reads.

what i suddenly realize is, those dinky frames have been shielding me from a whole bunch of crow's feet, that's what.

=_=

just had one of those weekends that you need a weekend to recover from. these days it's becoming easier to get one of those.

letting go is hard to do

the sign says, annual used books sale! and i find myself turning into the car park, quite against my every better resolution. there is magic in the air, i'm telling you. the sight! the smell! the smiles! the hustle and the bustle! the bags! the boxes! the tables! 

i've crossed the electronic barrier but my heart's with them paper books now. 

ablutions update

the skies alas they open.

ablutions 3

chance of rain today: 30%.

short of that time with hurricane Irene i haven't taken such an active personal interest in the weather forecast in months.